discouraged.

There has never been a more difficult time in my quest for a full-time job. I guess a part of me can’t complain because I have a part-time job for the time being. Plus, I’m being pretty picky about where I see myself working.

It’s been eleven months since I walked at my graduation ceremonies, nine months since I’ve been free and looking for a job, and five months since I officially graduated and landed a part-time job at Banana Republic. I have lost track of the number of jobs I’ve applied to in the last several months, and up until last Tuesday, everything seemed so bleak.

I was asked to come in for an initial screening with a recruiter for an executive assistant position. Needless to say, since it was a significant position at a well-known studio company, I spent hours upon hours doing research and prepping answers to potential questions. When it boiled down to the 25-minute meeting, not everything went according to plan – my mind drew a bit of a blank, I rambled a bit, and I lost focus. After the interview, I sat in my car for at least 15 minutes reflecting on it and decided to cancel all of my plans for the rest of the day. It’s been a week since that day, and I see it as a prime example of what I shouldn’t do at interviews. On the bright side (and there is always a brighter side), I took the interview as practice, as I haven’t gone in for a meeting as such in a really long time.

With my birthday in two days, I can only hope that something, anything will come up for me. I made a tweet at the beginning of the month joking about my ultimate birthday present being a full-time job I can love. I don’t think it’s going to happen — at least, not yet.

It’s my hope that a new year will open new doors and allow me not so much to expect the unexpected, but to embrace it. It’s true what they say — even the brightest and most positive people were once at low point in their lives.

I have some dreams.

They say you should dream big, as big as the skies, as big as the universe allows it. I want to jot them down some of these dreams, speaking in the career perspective. May God help me get to one of these destinations, and always crave for more:

  • Asian-American Producer (we need more big names out there!)
  • Successful paralegal (hopefully lawyer!)
  • Director of Digital Media (marketing?)

I need to dream even bigger. I will work on this. In the meantime, let’s hope and pray for these goals to happen. I want it, and I want it bad.

Adieu 2013, Bonjour 2014!

New year, new resolutions. This time, though, I really do want to stick to as many as I can. I figure I don’t and won’t limit myself to such resolutions, as some of these can apply to not only this year, but for the rest of my life. It’d be nice to look back and see the things I wished to see in myself, in others, and everything around me.

On my career’s future and my involvement with the Asian-American community:

  • Get a full-time job where my passion lies and/or can be developed (ideally media/communications, entertainment, etc.)
  • Continue being involved with the AsianAm community (ISA, WF, LAAPF, etc.)
  • Spearhead and produce an event (or several?) for ISA.

On mental and spiritual growth:

  • Always focus on the positive. Find the light at the end of the tunnel. Be happy.
  • Spread happiness and positivity unto others. The world could always use more happy people!
  • Have an open mind and an open heart. Be more open, whenever possible.

On my physical well-being:

  • Exercise more, eat healthy, consume lots of water!
  • Drink less and in moderation. Avoid hard liquor. Do not go out to alcohol-centered events (except brunch!).
  • Sleep before 2am, unless it can’t be avoided.

On my friends and family:

  •  Help dad find a job by helping him with resume, cover letters, responses, etc.
  • Spend more time with friends, less time by myself and on social media
  • Rekindle old friendships and build new ones

I’m glad I broke them down this year unlike previous years! Here’s to another wonderful year! :)

reDISCOVER.

Since graduation day, it took me a while to embrace my newfound freedom. As I had written previously, this type of freedom was much different from the freedom I learned to embrace when I had first moved out to LA for college. That was eye-opening, yes, and similarly, this is a whole new world. Or well, new way of seeing things.

Case in point: I spent 3-4 weeks of October more or less obsessing over Veronica Roth’s Divergent trilogy. I somehow timed it so well, too, because I started Divergent three weeks before the release of the final book in trilogy, Allegiant. There was a brief period of time between each reading, but it was usually still filled with something related to the series. Since it has been adapted into a film, I allowed myself to drown in the film interviews, movie snippets and featurettes, trailers, SDCC panels, BTS footage, and so much more. Each week I dived into one book to the next right up to the release of Allegiant, which I bought the morning of its release

I read the book in just a little under three days, finishing at four in the morning. As I neared its end, I cried. I must’ve cried for an hour.

Mind you, I never cry reading books, not even with the Harry Potter series (now when it comes to the films, that’s an entirely different story). I hadn’t realized how much of my life had poured into reading this series, how the series became my life. Even after finishing the book and the series, I mourned for a week. I was going through a withdrawal of sorts.

I should’ve been job-hunting or doing something much more productive with my life. But I don’t regret any of it. Not at all.

The Choice of Bitterness

First and foremost: I brought this upon myself. The feeling of bitterness, that is.

It’s been two and a half months since I’ve been officially funemployed, and it is anything but fun. Lazy and lousy, perhaps, but far from the intense productivity I should be putting myself to in finding a job. I don’t count the first half of June, July, or August into my funemployment, simply because I spent those days enjoying my summer, post-grad life, and well, traveling halfway around the world. It wasn’t until I came back when, sure enough, reality began slapping me in the face.

Over the last two and a half months, I’ve been content. Comfortable. Almost too comfortable. It’s only recently that I’ve developed a sort of bitterness and even a bit of envy. Seeing everyone around me with jobs soon after graduation, living on their own in different parts of the world, achieving goals they had set, and so much more… While I’m here. In bed. Too content and far too comfortable.

Like I said, I brought this upon myself. Most of my days I spend on social media, sleeping, eating, going out occasionally, and applying to jobs here and there… When I should be making job-hunting a full-time commitment in and of itself. Part of me honestly and wholeheartedly enjoys being unemployed, apart from having zero money to spend when I go out (I don’t like relying on my parents). It’s a different sort of freedom from my college days.

But like always, I digress. Yes, bitterness is something that often grows quite rapidly with time, but as does other emotions and states of being. Emotions start with a seed, planted by some sort of event, occurrence, of passing thought. They can either grow over time and eventually dominate your life, or they can wilt should not attention be given to it. Over these last few months, I think I’ve learned not to harvest such emotions, like bitterness for example. It’s a choice, and it will always be a choice, just like everyone says about happiness. So maybe I’ll have days when I feel bitter, maybe I’ll have days when I feel depressed… But I need to constantly remind myself that my lifetime goal is to always choose happiness.

Ignorance: It’s Only Blissful to an Extent

Within the last year or so, I started paying more attention to the world around me, particularly Asian Americans. This is thanks to Angry Asian Man, who’ve I had the honor of meeting and getting to know in the last several months. He’s definitely a writer/blogger who I’ve looked up to for quite some time, and I consider him my ultimate source for news revolving around Asians/Asian Americans.

But to get to the point I’m trying to make… In recent weeks, I’ve noticed (or rather, it’s been pointed out to me on every social media platform I’m on) that there’s been a significant amount of ignorance and racism floating around due to current events. The most buzz I encountered revolved around Miss America Nina Davuluri, America’s Got Talent winner Kenichi Ebina, and even Miss World Megan Young from the Philippines. I offer them my congratulations for their achievements ’cause it’s tough work to get to the top like that!

But naturally, right after these announcements were made, people… well, in a nutshell, lost their shit. Many flocked to various social networking platforms to rant and rave about their discontent over the decisions, lashing out against these individuals for the color of their skin. It was almost unbearable reading through a number of the posts I had seen on BuzzFeed. I had noticed these posts with a lot of other events and occurrences in the past, but it was only recently when it really boiled something inside of me… And the cause was actually not the actual posts themselves.

I dove a little deeper into some of these individuals who posted the racist comments and found something much worse: other people going out of their way to attack these people directly and threaten them for their narrow-mindedness. Whoa there – how is this going to solve the problem here? Yes, they are indeed narrow-minded for making public their racist comments, but cornering them, sending death threats, even making unrelated hate replies isn’t helping in the very least.

It’s two-way street of ignorance, and the only way to erase this is to educate and inform yourself and each other of the important matters in the world. Even if it means being in contact with and/or spreading knowledge to someone who’s views are different from yours. This isn’t to say that you are all-knowing; that sort of mindset doesn’t get one anywhere. To be able to listen and understand other people’s views, even if they are different from yours… That’s called being the bigger person. You’re already a step ahead of everyone else.

And if worse comes to worst, it’s okay to agree to disagree. It’s what keeps the world interesting. As long as there are open minds and open hearts, there will be a way to live in harmony. While in some cases, ignorance can be bliss, it shouldn’t be something you should live your life by, especially when these instances come up.

That’s just my two cents. Sorry for the rambling. Peace and love, y’all.

Just a short introduction…

Alright! Now that I’m a bit more settled, let’s dive straight into things.

  • I’m 22 and living at home with my family. I can’t complain, really, but I miss LA.
  • I recently graduated from UCLA (Go Bruins!) this year, although the exact month is unclear… So let’s just say Summer 2013.
  • I live and breathe social media, but I have a degree in Political Science, with a minor in Philosophy, with hopes of entering the legal field… And I’m a staffer for an entertainment sort of company. Yeah, talk about a bit of a clusterfuck.
  • I don’t know what I want to do with my life (and I’m admittedly scared), but I sure as hell want to be happy.

Since graduation, much has happened: working complications with academics, worrying about student loans, geeking out at SDCC, catching up with friends, moving back home, and traveling abroad. To say the least, I’ve done a variety of things except actively and aggressively hunt for a job. 

I can’t say I’m happy necessarily, but I have certainly been enjoying my downtime and freedom since being released from the shackles of school (not like it was really holding anything back for me). But alas, I digress…

Like I said, this blog will be dedicated to a lot of different things I learn and discover about myself and the world over the next several years. I’m really hoping I make this a part of my life; I need an outlet other than the other social media stuff, especially Facebook and Twitter (microblogging, so to speak). 

Maybe I’ll write about my college experiences next time. We’ll see. ‘Til then!